Most Importantly, It was my great yearning to understand Hinduttva better that kept me motivated throughout the summer- as can be viewved from a few of my earlier posts. But then, life, as unpredictable as it is, posed me with a few delicate questions, which undoubtedly needed some much needed introspection. The world paints a better picture after such activities- and mostly, it is not at all rosy. I was afraid to take this thorny path. Too frightened.
Too far, have baseless ideas, sentiments, manipulated my mind-sometimes, using it for their advantage. And I was foolhardy and gulliable enough to let them manipulate. Not any more. These events, accumulating and saturating me over the past many years, had become unbearable. My emotional state was bordering that of cynisism- to such a great extent, that sometimes, I did not even answer the phone calls of three of my best friends who have been pillars of strength. I was indeed a pessimistic wreak.
I tried a whole load of things- play computer games for hours and hours. It made me feel temporarily good, but then, a few hours later, it felt that there is nothing more to do. Music and Savarkar kept me from doing silly things. Meanwhile, I also tried to find out other means- but to no avail.
पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥