Wreck and Run

We all know that Americans have a really weird way of pronouncing and spelling. They are always at loggerheads with what is conventional. I often wonder why. But I never reach to a particular answer.

But, knowingly or unknowingly, they sometimes do add “colour” to the language. Just take this example- they spell colour(oxford word) as color, which sounds similar to things like collar, colon and what not. Again, they spell sulphur as Sulfur. Thank god they don’t call it seal-fur! But Americans being Americans, you simply cannot be sure what they’ll come up with.

Take a current worldwide situation under the perspective. The fertile and once prosperous regions of the Euphrates- Tigris plains, so wonderfully and fondly called as Sumeria, Babylonia, Mesopotamia, Assyria, and Persia . At the time of their zenith, the world was in awe of those cultures. Technological advances, agriculture, fertility, all signs of prosperity. The region then came under the rule of the Ottoman Turks, and was flourishing again. Baghdad was a centre for learning, and a very important one too. Numerous references are made about it in ancient literature. Well, after that, like most other nations, the British occupied the region, and renamed it as Iraq and Iran.

That’s the OK part. Americans now, feeling threatened by these two nations, are almost on the verge of warring with them. They have already invaded and destroyed Iraq, and have one eye on Iran. Yes the situation there is bad and the governments may be extremists. But still… why I’m blabbering all this is that the Americans are creating a major Linguistic Parody here.

Iraq (eeraak) and Iran (Iraan) to the whole world are pronounced as I-wreck and I-ran respectively (well, by most of the the American citizens).Now now… is it really a coincidence that it clearly highlight the American Middle east Policy!! More speculation for skeptics!!! The Wreck- and Run policy it seems! They have indeed wrecked Iraq, and are now running after Iran! I wonder how they say “Tehran”? They-ran probably? Or “Baghdad” as Bug-Dad?

Deep within, I feel totally secure as our Constitution has adopted “INDIA” as the formal name in international affairs. Just imagine if we used BHARAT. I mean, I’m still 100 percent for using it, but only not in front of Americans. Otherwise they will pronounce it like Borat. I don’t want my country to be pronounced in a similar way to an idiosyncratic brat!

But yea, definitely, Americans with their distinct lack of linguistic skills (Remember, they don’t have their own language, but have stolen it from England) and an even more distinct and unconventionally weird way of pronunciation are making the funnier side of me tickle…

I SWEAR!

Its been exactly 4 years to the incident im going to mention now. How it, happened, why it happened, i dont remember... but the consequences were one of the funniest. Actually, i have never been so embarrassed in my life. Ever...

I was living in London at the time; for football buffs- about a 15 minutes walk from the Wembley stadium. It was late August... 19th August to be precise. Friday. Friday happened to be our pizza day. A few of my friends and me usually used to sit in a local pizza place and half a cheap 1 pound pizza(2 in number) for our dinner. However, on this particular day, our local pizza place was closed down, for renovation. We had no idea when we went there, and on reading a closed for renovation sign, we were utterly disappointed. So the next best thing to do.. obviously.. go to the city, and have a blast!

As every londoner would know, the best way to travel to Central london is via the "Tube". Underground as its more popularly known. We wanted to end up at Picadilly Circus. It is one of the most interesting areas in the city, and is located near to the Covent Garden. We had a straight train from North Wembley to Picadilly, on the bakerloo line.(We were still underage at that time, and so there was no point going to pubs and those sorts of places- so picadilly circus..)

Fortunately for me, my cousin, who lives in London, had come over at my place to stay for the weekend. she was also coming with us. she knew the place inside out... so that was good.. and also, she provided me a mean of talking in marathi, which becomes impossible if your friends are UK born Gujjus. Anyway, if you have a person who can speak your mother tongue, its always better... You can swear at whoever you want, without any consequences.. or so you seem to think...

We got the first train to the city. fortunately, we did not have to wait long for it.. we got a place to sit as well... which is rare considering it was friday evening. we got into the cozy compartments, and as usual, started chatting and joking, and makin fun of everything possible. 3 stations ahead, a goraa walked into our compartment. He was extremely weird. He had a mowhawk, which was coloured GREEN. and the back of his head were dreadlocked hair.. blonde in colour! and he was wearing what you would genuinly call a jhang-pang dress. Freak.

none of us could help but laugh. Such freaks are rare! It was funny... i guessed that pissed him off... He started swearing... its no point picking up fights for petty reasons... so we apologised... but me and my cousin, both hailing from Pune, just couldnot stand if someone swore at us. Being assal sadashiv pethi, we started a tirade of swear words... the usual.. ase haramkhor lok ka astat! kasla vendhala ahe! arshamadhe pahila tyala tar makad pan lajel! to julabachi udleli shintodi disto ahe! the whole bha chi barakhadi and what not...

i thought we would get away with it.. how wrong i was! the bloke got up.. he wasnt angry, but he was smiling like crazy.. he got to me and my cousin, shook our hands, and asked us in fluesnt marathi, tumhi punyache ka? I was stunned! my cousins first reaction was "WHAT THE F***!"
she was shell shocked!!

we later talked all the way till picadilly circus... he told us that he had lived in pune for 4 years, was a big fan of osho, and what not. we went our seperate ways, when we got down at picadilly. but... man!it was a really embarrassing situation! i mean, you are swearing at a random stranger, in a language which is totally unknown to him(so you think).. the stranger knows your language, smiles at what you said, and has a good laugh with you! man! amazing! i still wont forget that incident! its got to be one of the funniest, i guess...

so just as a reminder to all.. dont underestimate your opposite number when it comes to swearing!!! Curses are universal, and whats worse is that you may get caught in your own language!!

दूर मनो-यात

दूर मनो-यात (door manoryat)

वादळला हा जीवनसागर - अवसेची रात
पाण्यावर गडबडा लोळतो रुसलेला वात

भांबावुनी अभ्रांच्या गर्दित गुदमरल्य तारा
सूडाने तडतडा फाडतो उभे शीड वारा

 
पिंजुनिया आयाळ गर्जती लाटा भवताली
प्रचण्ड भिंगापरी फुटते जळ आदळुनी खाली

प्रवासास गल्बते आपुली अशा काळराती
वावटळीतिल पिसाप्रमणे हेलावत जाती

परन्तु अन्धारात चकाके बघा बन्दरात
स्तम्भावरचा प्रकाश हिरवा तेजस्वी शान्त!

किरणांचा उघडून पिसारा देवदूत कोणी
काळोखावर खोदित बसला तेजाची लेणी

उज्ज्वल त्याची पहा प्रभावळ दूर मनो-यात
अन् लावा ह्रुदयात सख्यांनो, आशेची वात!

-कुसुमाग्रज.

one of my recent favourite ones. just amazing. especially the kiranancha ughadoon pisara... part.

Serious Black

Today, I am writing a rather strange post. It was actually written with a view of posting it as a testimonial on Orkut©. However, this fellow rejected that idea as he thought it would be too much of hatai if I put it as a testimonial. So instead, I am now posting it on my blog, so I will feel satisfied that my efforts have not been wasted. Anyway, the friend I am talking about is none other than our very own “Serious Black”. Here goes:

Actually, writing a testimonial to Serious is a waste of time. But since, as of now, I am not doing anything, nor do I have anything worthwhile to do, I am just wasting my time writing him one. Serious is in my college, and is one of the more famous characters we have. He is known by many nicknames. Black, T-Gun, PeeKing(PK), SB just to name a few. He is extremely elusive, so very little is known about him. He is a topper in at least two subjects per semester- in short, is very unlike Sirius Black(NO relation). The only reason we know SB is because he loves being the centre of attention. There is not a single day, when people make a bakra out of him. What is weird is that he actually relishes such incidents.

Black is one of the only two legends of pachkal pana from our year(the other being me). But when it comes to panchat pana, no one can beat him. His jokes are so pathetic, that it can make a dead man rise from his grave and pull his hair off. He has a very deep and a sonorous voice, which is always heard as distant rumblings anywhere in the college campus. However, no one is able to locate where it comes from, as he is always on the move. His glasses can magnify to infinity but he does not use it to star gaze. Instead, he prefers gazing at wild animals like buffaloes. He is very interested in playing CS and AOE. But then, he is not able to compete when playing on LAN. He is also a kind of a traitor, as he finishes off his allies in friendly fire before being killed, not having killed one enemy. His preferred weapon is AK47, although we have told him many times he would be better off using AK46. He is always geared up to play sports. His favourite sport is badminton, and he is ever ready to play it, even though it is pitch black outside or even if it’s the middle of the night. He also plays “other” non competitive games, like “Foxing around poles”.

He is extremely capable at wooing the ladies, and till now has seduced a glittering array of internationally acclaimed superstars, including the bong babe, Shakira. I don’t know how he does it, but from what I have heard, he tells them that he is a millionaire. Actually, he is not at all a kotyadheesh. What he really is; is only potyaadheesh. He is a great Sanskrit grammatician. This is the sole reason for him being able to make out multiple meanings of any given phrase, when any others fail to even comprehend what is being said. Arguably, he is a genius when it comes to internet browsing, and is an inventor of numerous browsing related things like history clearing, cookie clearing etc.

Black is also addicted to a many things, but mostly suspense. He has got his unique style of creating it, by clenching his fists and covering his mouth with it to give an impression of clearing his throat. I guess that’s the reason why he actually attracts all the ladies- they think that he is serious when actually he is not. He is actually a very interesting character. But since he is a Chitpavan, he does not give out all his habits in a single shot. That’s the reason why I know so lil of him. And that’s why I have to terminate my testimonial.

I am sure that this person is going to have a go at me once he reads this, and meets me in college. but i dont care.. i didnt want my efforts to be wasted...

Challenge!

This years summer vacation, for some odd reasons felt extremely dull and dragged on for an eternity. there was nothing much to do,and obviously the heat was searing. anyway, one extremely eventful day in this unusually quiet was when my school friends had come to my place. Usually, whenever we meet, its either at swapnashilpa or icecream magic or some place in Kothrud. But this time around it was to be my place.I have recently shifted, and everyone was extremely eager to see my house. also, we hadnt met each other in some time now. So, an invitation was on the cards.

In the midst of yetoy, baghu and all, finally eight of the invited eight turned up. what was unusual was the group actually- me, joshi, gaurav,khaki, kale, mugdha, mrini, saili and utpala. It was a little odd, but then i have good contacs with all of them! Anyway, everyone is geared to do timepass, and so nothing comes in between. after a brief tour around my colony, which was pretty lame, and the highlights which were only kales rendezvous with the ducks, we returned back, with the agenda of playing something.

the thoughts varied from rugby, football, to badminton, but as girls are very naatki, we abandoned the plan. for a while, me joshi and kale were playing the target mugdha/mrinmayi game, where we were trying to hit a football on her head. no one got a perfect hit. but ya, you could guess our willingness to play anything. suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a majority to play challenge.

as a matter of fact,i happen to be a proud owner of a mix of about 10 decks of cards, neither of which are full. we selected that to be the ideal deck to play challenge with. it was chaotic right from the start. 9 people were distributing cards, each one had about 50 in their hands, with mugdha given more cards than anyone.


soon the game started, and we completely lost track of time. when we finally finished,we had been playing for about 3 hours. it was the most vadheev game of challenge ive ever played. there were instances where sailis utari was 18 atthya! and saglya kharya hotya! she was lucky that i was next to her, otherwise, she would have been caught most of the time for putting khoti pana. anyway, i was doing the same thing. pan mazyakade 21 kharya atthya astana me 1khota pan laun 1 atthi vagere cheap pana karat hoto. joshya, gaurav and me were cheating the most. 4 pana sangun 6 pana lavna etc etc.. pan thats where the actual fun is.. what was funnier was that utpala was convinced every single time that the set was a fake. at the end, she and khaki had huge piles of cards with them. khaki was infact unearthing the cards from everywhere-from sleeves to pockets!

in the meantime, thanks to constant cheating, saili, and joshi won the game. too bad i couldnt win it, but ya, it happens once in a while. anyway, next time watch out! what i really realised was that although playing cards is a waste of time, when with friends always do it!oh ya! ani samja khoti pana lavlit, tar mag..., "Challenge!"