Dear Old Arsenal

FOLLOWING RECENT RESULTS YOU ARE CORDIALLY

INVITED TO THE

ARSENAL

END OF SEASON DINNER ‘n’ DANCE

Menu

Starters

Bendtner-Adebeyor Kicks

Main course

Humble pie

Frogs Legs

William Gallas– “catch of the day”

Dessert

Hard Cheese

Sour Grapes

Wine

L’urine de Wenger, Carrington 2004

(a hard-to-swallow sample vintage)

Games:

Emmanuel Eboues’ WILD RED CARDS.

Guest speakers

José Mourinho

Sir Alex Ferguson (treble winner)

Guests who are seeking to drink Champaign are kindly requested to bring their own bottle, as we appear to have lost ours.

Bookings 0800 10 10 10 (0800 Won Nothing Won Nothing Won Nothing)

Venue: Demolished Highbury Stadium, Avenell Road, Highbury, London, N5 1BU.

For Further Information, please visit http://www.arsenal.com/

THE Ideal girl.

Recently, i updated my profile on one social networking site. It had various questions like Activities, Interests, blah blah blah.But what was interesting was that it had a section "Ideal Match". just to be sarcastic i wrote that it would be 7-1 thrashing of Roma by Manchester United. But then, it got me thinking. Who was my ideal match?? What would be her specification/ qualifications?? After deep pondering, I came up with the list of things that my so called "Ideal Match" should have. Here is the list:

1) She should have an IQ above 130. But at the same time, her IQ should not be above 140. it becomes too nerdier above that.

2) She should have a good taste in music, and she should be a fan of Hindustani sangeet(shastriya sangeet).

3) She should be able to sing, so that if time arises, we could raise funds by arranging music concerts.( I am potent at playing many musical instruments. ;))

4) She should NOT be a shopaholic, but conservative in matters of purchase.

5) She should dislike all alchoholic drinks and related dope.

6) She should HATE Shamrock Khan.

7) She should agree with me on the point that Romantic Hindi movies are crap, and watching them is a waste of time and money.

8) She should not nag me to go to bed early or at 10.30, and should not have a problem with me waking up at 5.45

9) She should have long hair.

10) She should appreciate Sarcasm.

11) She should not be scared of stupid things like cockroaches, lizards and cats.

12) she should be able to make Phansachi bhaji, sol kadhi, aloo chi bhaji, kelyacha partun and other typical koknasthi dishes.

13) She should not have arguments with me if i go to play or watch football.

14) She should be able to make a variety of cuisines, notably Italian.

15) She should have a good sense of humour, and should be able to pass on the spot comments of any nature on anyone in the vicinity.

16) She should be a good teacher, and should teach me all the things she is good at.

17) She should be able to laugh if someone makes fun of her.

18) She should have a decent figure, and decent look.

19) She should not be a show-off, but at the same time should be able to do loads of maaz.

Last, but the most important one:

20) She herself, or any of her very close relatives MUST be a dentist, so that i can get all my tooth works( mostly root canals and ceramic teeth) done for free.


NOW, everyone will know why I am single, and why will i always be single!!
Since, i do not intend to stay single for eternity, any girl who falls for me, will be considered as an "ideal match" if she passes half(10/20) of the above checkpoints.
please note that numbers 1,9, 12,18 are compulsory. girls having number 20 on their resumes ticked will be given special consideration. [:)]

thanks for reading all my nonsense.

Survival Sunday

Sunday, 24th May, was certainly one of the most fun days of this year. there was so much to do! it was the last day of the English Premier League. It was the last day of the IPL and it to put the cherry on the top, the day hosted the Monaco GP. so much excitement in space of a few frantic hours.

it all started at 3 pm Indian standard time.
the qualifying for the Monaco gp started. now as it stands, Monaco is one of the most difficult circuit. the driver has to make precise use of his car. a millimeter here or there could be fatal. its still, worth all the fun.. q1, 12 and 13 each had lower and lower qualifying times. 1.15 something.. which was never set at Monaco.to my delight, Kimi was going ever so well, and hamilton got p20(that was so good to see). i was hoping that massa would follow suit. but, he wasnt that fast. in the end.. kimi got P3.. with p1 and p2 going to the two brauns.(btw. great team! u gotta feel for the honda owners though).

then, the race started. it was a chaos, the opening.. cars trying outmaneuver one another. it was 78 laps of pure speed and pace. i am at loss as to understand how does the d1 driver stand all the heat and pressure? well, it was a good day for the ferarris who finished 3rd and 4th. a clear incdication that they are back. but the brauns of jenson button and rubens barichello finished one-two. it could have been different if ferarri were a bit more clinical with their pit stops. anyway, its good to know that they are now scoring the higher points.

after a pusating race in monaco, the attention now turned to the Survival sunday in the premier league. 2 out of a possible 4 teams were going to get relegated. hull, newcastle, sunderland, and boro were in the mix. all for have been abysmal over the season, and frankly, all four desrved to get relegated. but fate was with two.. which two, we were about to find out over two hours of football.

for all the obvious reasons, i chose to watch the hull v/s man utd. game. sir alex fielded a very young side, though fletch and neviller played. i had hoped he would give a start to zoran tosic. but that was not to be. anyway, everyone now favoured hull to beat the drop. they were up against a very inexperienced side. how wrong they were! on 24th minute, darron gibson scored a sensational goal, which put the tigers in deep trouble. however, this was short lived, as results from elsewhere went according to what hull desired. newcastle, who had owen on the bench, scored a freak own goal, and right at the death had david edgar sent off. it was a symbol of their shambolic season. i had never seen a team with decent enough football player play so badly. i am glad they got relegated. boro were always doomed. no matter what they did. eventually they lost to west ham.

actually all the 4 teams fighting for survival lost. so it hardly made a difference, except in goal difference. Sunderland and hull stayed in the premiership, and boro and toon relegated. god help these clubs.

anyway.. the attention now turned to the final of ipl. anil kumble, had earlier bowled a magic spell taking 4 wicket, which helped the rcb to contain the chargers with a score of 143. 144 was reachable.. but rcb were undone by the fine captaincy of Adam Gilchrist. rp sing really looks as the man of the moment.. they were well beaten.. 7 runs...

never ever, in a single day, i had witnessed so much drama, emotions and never ever had i watched so much tv. anyway, it was worth it. with the closing ceremony of the ipl, a brilliant day was ticked off the calendar..

JVK

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At the start of my engineering- way back in the first semester, I had a big dilemma. What coaching classes should I join? The semester wasn’t easy by any means. We had engineering drawing (graphics), applied mechanics (app mech) and maths 1, which however trivial they might look now, were challenging at the time. I had to do something, as I needed to grasp all these subjects in a matter of 4 months. Before the sem had even started, I was being bombarded from all around with awkward questions and suggestions: “konta class lavtoys? , haa class laav, to lavu nako, app mech la class lagat nahi” etc.

This was quite weird. I had never gone for a coaching class for A particular subject before. Finally after much debating, and to some extent, foul-mouthed arguments, I finally joined only one coaching class - Engineering drawing or graphics as they call it. It is one of the most popular classes in Pune. Nearly everyone who does engineering joins it. Being taught by none other than the famous JVK was like a dream come true.

Initially, before the college had started, I used to go for the morning 6 am batch at Tilak road. Here, I first met Anant, Nikhil, Saurabh, and a few other friends. We used to sit at fixed places only- 3^rd bench. Throughout the year! Also for some reason, I used to go to this class, wearing a short, compulsorily. Everyone was so used to see me in the shorts over there, that once when, by mistake I wore a track suit bottom, sir himself asked me, “Arre aj short nahi ka?”

Sir was a funny man. He is actually one of the funniest professors I have ever met. There is not a single dull moment when he is teaching. But there is a price- a 6 am class usually started at quarter to 7!! What to do! Sir was always late. It’s now become a saying when appointments are arranged whether it is at JVK time or normal time- like 12:30 pm- JVK time( this means 1.15 minimum).

Whatever.. this was one of the best places I have been! I still remember each and every funny moment..

Here are a few that I really wanted to share.

Sir used to instruct us to colour solids using colour pencils. One…

“Always use colour pencils. They help you in recognizing the shapes. But do the colouring at home… when you are watching late night movies”

There was a big murmur on this.. people started cheering..

Sir calmly replied.. “Maze baghun zale ahet sagle!”

There was an even funnier incident… there was this “pair”, who couldn’t be separated. Once the boy came late…and started looking for someplace to sit.. there was actually no place to sit.. so here is what sir had to say to him ” Arre nantar chya batch la ye”.. But this fellow was relentlessly trying to find a place to sit for this batch only. So sir in all the sarcasm he could gather said… “Arre.. nantar chya batch la ye.. jagaa nahiye.(now, pointing at the girl)tithe pan nahiye!!”

We couldn’t stop laughing for 5 minutes.

Yet another is even better… once, when teaching projection of lines, sir caught a guy staring at a hot chick, and promptly said “ Aho.. figure kade baghaa…(10 sec pause)... Phalyavarchya!!”

Some people say he uses the same comments again and again.. but they are so funny, that they always work.

The most interesting is:” tomorrow class at 6. We start sharp at 8:30”

Or “tomorrow class is at 6. Come early. Don’t come with me at 6:30”

Then the repetitive comments are legendary..

Some like “ arrey.. laksha dya” or “ghari ja” or “senior citizens of graphics”, then “check your neighbours and help your neighbours”..” some local romance” etc etc are stuff of legend.

I really miss the class. I have no intention to go back.. Don’t want to do graphics again! But I miss sir’s frequent jibes, sarcastic comments, and in general, sense of humour... Gosh! Those were really good days!