The Damned!

(Part1)

(Part2)

Mathematics of an Exam

Guess what. I am nearly done with another set of exams. No matter how much you try to shoulder arms at them, they make you go on the back foot and defend. Now that Im done with the theory exams, I am freely able to punch my practicals through the covers! No worries. My timing in the practical viva is as immaculate and as elegant as those of Sachin Tendulkar on the field. (Forgive me for a cricket like opening, but im watching India thrash NZ by Innings and some runs, so the effect rubs off..)

Now then, coming back to the point, as this was my 7th semester in the college, I have given a total of 14 exams plus a number of 10 mark tests. A large enough sample size has been generated through the experience of me and my friends to draw out the following conclusions about the time near to exam. These will be known as the Datar-Devi Approximations, after its researchers, Datar and Devi.


To start of with. Let 'T' be the time left for an exam. This is usually about 2-3 days for a typical COEP paper, for which one can actually study. For simplicity we shall assume that T is a rectangular distribution. from -T to 0.
However, we never start studying at the start of the rectangular function. Studying is a statistically boring process. We usually start our studies at an arbitrary time instant H, after -T. Again, this will be a rectangular distribution over T.

Now, as it is statistically observed, attention span is dependent on H. let Asp be the attention span.

 

This will give you the attention span that you will get, depending on when you start studying. This is a critical factor for getting good marks. ideally, toppers have H close to T.

The second important point that is under consideration is Number of calls you make asking your friends "How much timepass you have done?" this can be denoted by N(h). Number of calls before exam are way more that those on ordinary days.
N(h)=e^2kh.. k= Phony constant. the derivations for above terms are extremely complex and is beyond the scope of timepass. So, it has been left to the Chinese to come up with the proofs for the same.

The third important factor is time you end up swearing at and cursing your Professors. Now, as the trend is, we curse our profs as being useless and incompetent much more during exam period than normal.This analysis is extremely interesting, and thus, has been discussed below. Now, not all professors are bad. some are actually superb. so lets have a sample size of N professors.
Let us consider r activities- such as teaching, setting papers, fluency in speech etc.
let 'p' be the probability that the teacher is good.
so, (1-p) is the probability that the teacher is rubbish.
then, assuming a binomial model and taking average over given number considered, we can say that the swearing coefficient is






The fourth point considered in this treatise is based on pure statistics. The point is know as Chinmays attraction law. "As exam time nears, in D Days, your feelings towards an arbitrary girl goes on increasing to the exponent".Here, γ(gamma) is the attraction probability. γ is dependent on several factors such as the nature of the person, the college where he is studying etc. If γ is the attraction probability, then, the attraction coefficient can be given by  




However, in colleges like COEP, as there are very few good looking girls, and the fact that the college is filled with nerds, γ is negligible. So taking a Taylor series expansion, and ignoring higher order terms of γ ,
we can say,

The next important point is concentration span. You tend to concentrate very little while studying. breaks are frequent. Let B be the number of drinks/snacks break you take in between a span of 3 hours- a statistically important variable as all papers are 3 hours long. Then, concentration span, CSmax will be:
CSmax= 3hours/B.
Usually this value is quite low, owing to the statistically high value of B (12-15 in normal cases).
The analysis of B is also again very complex, and has been left to the Chinese.
One thing we know for certain is that CSmax is inversely proportional to t, the time before exam.

The next factor is the ratio of useful study to time spent on Facebook. This is called as the phace inverse ratio.

Now, PIR= (T.i.m.e.o.n.a.b.o.o.k/T.i.m.e.o.n.f.a.c.e.b.o.o.k.).
cancel the common terms in the equation, we get,
PIR=(1/face)

It has been statistically proven by the likes of our peers Shriram Kardile and Sahil Patwardhan, that time spent on Facebook is roughly 5 times the time spent on reading a book.
so, it can be concluded that PIR=(1/5)
(from their publications Facebook is more fun that studies. Kardile,Patwardhan and Datar.)

Ok, so I  guess these many factors are enough to formulate the time remaining for the exam T.
We can conclude, that T, the time to exam is directly proportional to:
1)Attention span
2)Swearing time
3)number of calls
4)coefficient of attraction
and is inversely proportional to
1) Concentration span.

Thus, we can mathematically conclude:

Introducing the constant of proportionality, the PIR to the equation to get rid of the proportionality sign and substituting the values for respective coefficients, we get

  Thus, finally we have arrived at the examination formula.

Original research carried out by:
Chinmay A Datar
Anant M Devi.
Helping Hands:
Sumedh Dhabu
Virendra Kakade
Abhishek Ambede.

References:
Probability and Random Processes
-Stark and Wood. (3rd years, see, its not that bad a book. has many useful applications afterall)
Why facebook is better than book
-Sahil Patwardhan, Ajinkya Rao
Facebook to book ratios
-Shriram Kardile.

We thank all our friends for supporting us throughout the research, and are hopeful that our efforts will be awarded at the IEEE conference of vadheevpana.
-P.S- mathematical errors have been deliberately introduced to hide original equations and research.
-Authors.

Time to wake up our King.

The views expressed in this post are all personal opinions, and are bound to be explosive in nature to pro congress, anti-Hindu, anti-cultural people of India. If you consider yourself one of these, you can quit reading the post here itself, and go back and dwell on your western philosophies. Those who are having similar thoughts- like mine, will definitely go on reading.

Today, we see, that Hindu Dharma is widely being criticised everywhere. A Hindu does something, the whole Hindu society is seen as a culprit. Its a fancy that the current government along with full media backing are trying to create- delineating Hindu culture, corrupting Hindu traditions, with full effect. A sadhu gets arrested for making nationalist remarks, mahagurus like Swami Ramdev are accused of mixing human remains in their medication, Sex scandals are forcefully placed on Sadhus, tapaswis and yogis. A mullah or a missionary will actually do it, and there will be no news on such events! why! the indian mainstream media, backed by the mafia and missionaries, is hell bent on destriying the hindu image.

A Ajmal Kasab is reported to have Motives behind his actions. The government gives him a fair trial! whats the point of doing this? He is just the pawn. extract information from him, and execute him in full view of the public! The current government lacks guts to take any action. Its highly ineffective, and its main motive is to make secure its black money hidden in swiss banks rather than addressing problems faced by 84 percent of the population- Hindus.

Hindus are becoming second grade citizens in their own motherland. How different is this as compared to the situation under the sultanates? Any thing happens, a hindu is always blamed. Always. some of these accusations are extremely frivolous, absurd and vile.

Then there is the issue of bollywood. It is in fact so crap, that I dont watch any movies- they are either anti Hindu, pro-islamic, or pro-western. For some god damn reason, even these scum believe that terrorists have emotional motives behind their bombings(ref kurrbaan etc.) I havent watched a bollywood movie which promotes indian nationalism in ages. maybe the 70s or 80s. I hate the whole industry anyway. its full of so called westernized body showing whores and good for nothing gangsters.

Coming back to the main point- be it through mass media, movies, government inefficiency, or whatever reason, Hindus are being subjected to abject treatment. They are being brainwashed against their own culture. they are being ridiculed, they are being mocked, and they are being taken for granted.

Well, they themselves are to blame for going into a submissive position. They never vote for parties that will actually work for them- parties like RSS, HMS. Any good work these organisations do, the current government is anyway there to point out that it is infact anti-national. Infact, the government is more timid than anything in the world- why not oppose Chinas aggressive advancements?

Im not talking on this anymore. My blood boils. And it hurts me ever more. Id just like to ask the great Shivaji Maharaj, the last true saviour of Hindus to provide us strength, courage, cunning and confidence to take on these Anti-Hindu people, show them that their place is even below the sewers. Savarkar has rightly put these sentiments in the wordings below:

हे हिंदुशक्ति-संभूत-दिप्ततम-तेजा
हे हिंदुतपस्या-पूत ईश्वरी ओजा
हे हिंदुश्री-सौभाग्य भूतीच्या साजा
हे हिंदू-नृसिंहा प्रभो शिवाजीराजा
करी हिंदुराष्ट्र हे तूते | वंदना
करि अंतःकरण तुज अभि | नंदना
तव चरणि भक्तीच्या  चर्ची| चंदना
गूढाशा पुरवी त्या न काठू शकतो ज्या
हे हिंदू-नृसिंहा प्रभो शिवाजीराजा ! ||१||
हा भग्न तड असे गडगडाचा आजी
हा मग्न आज जयदुर्ग आंसवांमाजी
ही भवानीची ह्या ओउन्हा गंजली धारा
टी म्हणुनि भवानी दे न कुणा आधारा
गड कोट जंजिरे सारे | भंगले
जाहली राजधान्यांची | जंगले
परदास्य-पराभवी सारी| मंगले
या जगति जगू ही आज गमतसे लज्जा
हे हिंदू-नृसिंहा प्रभो शिवाजीराजा!  ||२||
जी शुद्धी हृदाची रामदासशिर डुलवी
जी बुद्धी पांच शाहींस शत्रूच्या झुलवी
जी युक्ती कूटनीतित खलांसी बुडवी
जी शक्ती बालोमात्तास पदातली तुडवी
ती शुद्धी हेतूची कर्मी | राहु दे
ती बुद्धी भाबड्या जीवा | लाहु दे
ती शक्ती शोणितामाजी | वाहु दे
दे मंत्र पुन्हा तो, दिले समर्थे तुज ज्या
हे हिंदू-नृसिंहा प्रभो शिवाजीराजा ! ||३||

Polly-nomial.

Many of you must have got this as a forward ages ago! but somehow i managed to forget posting this up! damn funny thing...


In George H. Scherr, ed. The Best of The Journal of Irreproducible Results, p.147. Workman Publishing, 1983

"Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors, when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, had changed her variables that morning, and, feeling particularly badly behaved, she ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient, and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf, and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space.

She was being watched however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a vulgar function behind her, Polly turned round, and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms, that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka" she gasped.

"Ho, ho!" he said. "What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see that you are absolutely bubbling over with secs".

"Sir", she said, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on.

"Calm yourself my dear" said our suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary".

"i, i" she thought. "Perhaps he's homogeneous then?".

"What order are you?" the brute demanded.

"Seventeen", replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he said.

"Of course not" Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent".

"Come, cone," said Curly. "Lets off to a decimal place I know, and I'll take you to the limit".

"Never" gasped Polly.

His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began to smooth her points of inflexion. Poor Polly. All was lost. She felt his hand bonding to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would be gone for ever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way round, and did a contour integration. What an indignity! Curly went on operating until he was completely and absolutely orthogonal.

When Polly got hone that evening, her mother noticed that she had been truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now --- the seeds having been sown. As the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally, she generated a small, but pathological, function, which left surds all over the place, until she was driven to distraction."

The moral of this sad story is this: It you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

निर्धार

This is probably going to be my last post for some time now, as my GRE date is just over a month away! So wanted to bid a temorary farewell on a high.
Inspiration is what is the need of the hour now- especially for me, considering the monumental task that lies ahead . I am viewing it as yet another unconquered fort, ready to be annexed to the domain of forts already scaled. Such comparisons, for me, are a tremendous boost, as to conquer the fort, the inspiration provided by shivaji maharaj is always present. A difficult situation seems to be managible. Thats always the case.

And who else but Kusumagraj can incite you to draw inspiration from Shivaji Maharaj! The following poem, though not about Shivaji Maharaj, is about in essence the spirit of a Marathi Manus. I wont wast anymore time, and will directly post the poem. Forgive me if I have made any grammatical errors in typing, I am still not used to type Marathi on Gmail.

The Poem is named Nirdhaar, and is written by Kusumagraj.

निर्धार

समर भूमीचे सनदी मालक शत युद्धाचे मानकरी
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

घोरपडीला दोर लावूनी पहाड-दुर्गट चढलेले
तुटून पडता मस्तक खाली धुंद धाडणे लढलेले
खंदकातल्या अंगावर हासत खेळत पडलेले
बाप असे कलिकाळ आमुचा कीर्त गाजली दिगंतरी!
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

या मातीने दिला वारसा कठोर छाती दगडाची
दिली नद्यांनी ध्येयासाठी समर्थता बलिदानाची
पहाड डोंगर इथे संगती अजिंक्यता अभिमानाची
जगदंबेचा पालव येथे लढ्वैय्यांच्या सदा शिरी
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

करवत का नस कोणी चालावो, पिकावो कोणी शेत मळा
कलम कागदावरी राबवो धरो कोणी हातात तुळा
करत कंकण असो कोणाच्या व भाळावर गंध टिळा
शिंग-मनोर्यावारी वाजता उभी छावणी घरोघरी!
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

पोलादी निर्धार अमुचा असुरबळाची खंत नसे
स्वतंत्रतेच्या संग्रामाला विजयावाचून अंत नसे
श्रद्धा हृदयातील आमुची वाज्राहुनी बळवंत असे
मरण मारुनी पुढे निघाले गर्व तयांचा कोण हरी!
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

भारत भूमीचा वत्सल पालक देव मुनिनंचा पर्वत तो
रक्त दाबुनी उरत आम्हा आर्त स्वराने पुकारतो
"हे सह्याचाल, हे सातपुडा!" शब्द अंतर विदारतो
त्या रक्ताची, त्या शब्दाची शपथ अमुच्या जाले उरी!
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

जंगल जाळा परी मराठा पर्वतश्रेष्ठा उठला रे!
वणव्याच्या आडदांड गतीला अडसर आता कुठला रे!
तळातळातुनी ठेचून काढू हा गनिमांचा घाला रे!
स्वतंत्रतेचे निशाण आमुचे अजिंक्य राखू धरेवरी!
रणफंदीची जात अमुची कोण आम्हा भयभीत करी!

The Quintessential Punekar.

I just couldnt resist putting this up. Listening to it, i realised, how similar our behaviour is to this observation! whats fascinating is that this was written by pu.la ages ago! anyway, have a go through it- the quintessential punekar.

आता तुम्हाला पुणेकर व्हायचं का? जरूर व्हा. आमचे काही म्हणणे नाही. पण मुख्य सल्ला असा, की पुन्हा विचार करा.आगदी आग्रहाच असेल, तर मात्र कंबर कसून तयारी केली पाहिजे, आणि एकदा तयारी झाली, की त्या सारखी मजा नाही ,तुम्हाला सांगतो.

पहिली गोष्ट म्हणजे- कसलाही न्यूनगंड बाळगू नका. आणि प्रत्येक बाबतीमध्ये मतभेद व्यक्त करायला शिका. म्हणजे आपण कोण आहोत, आपला शैक्षणिक दर्जा काय, एकूण कर्तृत्त्व काय, याचा अजिबात विचार ना करता मत ठोकून द्यायचा. विषय कुठलाही असो. म्हणजे आता "अमेरिकेची आर्थिक घडी नीट बसवण्याचा खरा मार्ग कोणता?" या विषयावरती, आपण स्वतः पुणे महानगरपालिकेत, उंदीर मारायच्या विभागात आहोत नोकरीला, हे विसरून मत ठणकावत आले पाहिजे.अमेरिकेची आर्थिक आघाडी- ठोका.

दिवसातून एकदा तरी "चक चक पूर्वीचे पुणं राहिलं नाही, पूर्वीचे पुणं राहिलं नाही" हे म्हणायलाच पाहिजे. हे वाक्य म्हणायला वयाची अट नाही. इथे म्हणजे दहा वर्षाचा मुलगा सुद्धा चाळीशीच्या अनुभवाचे गाठोडं असल्यासारखं ते चारचौघांपुढे उघडत असतो. त्यामुळे "च्यायला, आमच्या वेळी हे असलं नव्हतं" हे वाक्य कॉलेज, कचेरी, ओमकारेश्वर, पेनशनर मारुतीची टेकडी, मंडई आणि शिशुविहार, कुठेही ऐकायला मिळेल, "आमच्या वेळी ते तसा नव्हतं!"

मराठी भाषेच्या अनेक बोली आहेत. त्यात शुद्ध मराठी या नावाची एक पुणेरी बोली आहे. आता ह्या बोली मध्ये व्यासपीठावरची पुणेरी, घरातली पुणेरी, दुकानदाराची पुणेरी, ह्यातला फरक नीट समजावून घेतला पाहिजे. आता खासगी पुणेरी बोली भाषा आणि जाहीर बोली भाषा ह्यातल्या फरकाचा एक उदाहरण पहा. अशी कल्पना करा, की कोणीतरी एक प्राध्यापक भांबुर्डेकर हे प्राध्यापक  येरकुंडकराबद्दल स्वतःच्या घरी बोलतायत:
"बोंबला! या यारकुंडवारशास्त्र्याचा सत्कार! च्यायला, येरकुंडकारचा सत्कार म्हणजे कमाल झाली. वास्तविक जोड्याने मारायला हवा याला. ऋग्वेदाचे भाषांतर म्हणे! कमाल आहे! अहो ऋग्वेदाचा बट्ट्याबोळ! आणि ह्यांना च्यायला सरकारी अनुदानं, पन्नास-पन्नास हजार रुपये!"
पुणेरी मराठीतून संताप व्यक्त करायला दुसर्याला मिळालेले पैसे, हा एक भाषिक वैशिष्ठ्याचा नमुना मानावा लागेल.
"ओढा! ओढा लेको पैसे! करा चैन! खा! रोज शिकरण खा! मटार उसळ खा!". अगदी चैनीची परमावादी पुणेरी मराठीत इकडेच संपते- शिकरण, मटार उसळ वगेरे. "आहो! आहो चक्क वीस-वीस रुपये मिळवले" हे वाक्य वीस वीस लाख मिळवले ह्या ऐटीत उच्चारावे.
"आणि ह्यांचा म्हणे सत्कार करा! ह्यांना श्रीफळे द्या!" पुणेरी मराठीत नारळाला 'श्रीफळ' म्हणतात, आणि चादरीला 'महावस्त्र'

आता ह्याच खासगी पुणेरी बोलीचे जाहीर बोली भाषेतील रुपांतर पहा. हाच प्राध्यापक, ह्याच गुरुवर्य यार्कुंडकरांचा सत्कार.
"गुरुवर्य यार्कुंडकरांचा सत्कार, म्हणजे साक्षात विद्द्वात्तेच्या सूर्याचा सत्कार! मित्रहो, आजचा दिवस, पुणे महानगराच्या सौन्स्कृतिक इतिहासात सुवर्णाक्षराने लिहून ठेवण्यासारखा आहे. हे माझे गुरु...म्हणजे मी त्यांना गुरूच मनात आलो आहे, ते मला शिष्य मानतात का नाही, हे मला ठाऊक नाही." इथे हशा. सार्वजनिक पुणेरी मराठी मध्ये, व्यासपीठावरच्या वक्त्यांनी तिसर्या वाक्यात जर हशा मिळवला नाही, तर तो फाउल धरतात. तेव्हा होद्करू पुणेकरांनी जाहीर पुणेरी बोलीचा अभ्यास करताना हे नीट लक्षात ठेवायला पाहिजे.
"आता, एका परीने तसा मी त्यांच्या शिष्यच आहे- कारण, ते मुन्सिपलाटी च्या शाळेत शिक्षक असताना, मी पहिल्या इयत्तेत त्यांचा विद्यार्थी होतो." म्हणजे, येरकुंडकर प्रोफेसर, हा एकेकाळी मुन्सिपालटी शाळामास्तर होता, हे जाता जाता ध्वनित करून जायचं.
"त्यांचे तीर्थरूप, सरदार पंचापात्रीकारांच्या वाड्यातील आहार विभागात सेवक होते." म्हणजे तिकडे वाड्यावर स्वयंपाकी होते, हे सांगून मोकळे व्हयाचे.
"असो! अत्यंत दारिद्र्यात बालपण घालवल्यानंतर आता अरण्येश्वर कॉलनीतल्या आपल्या प्रशस्त बंगल्यात राहताना प्राध्यापक येरकुंडकरांना किती धन्यता वाटत असेल!" म्हणजे विद्द्वात्तेच्या नावावर पैसा कसा ओढला बघा! हे आलं त्याच्यामध्ये.
"प्राध्यापक येरकुंडकर, आणि आपले शिक्षण मंत्री, एकाच शाळेत शिकत असल्यापासूनचे स्नेही आहेत."- म्हणजे वशिला कसा लागला!
सार्वजनिक पुणेकर व्हायचे असेल, तर जाहीर पुणेरी मराठीचा खूप बारकाईने अभ्यास करावा लागेल.

 आता दैनंदिन व्यावहारिक पुणेरी शुद्ध मराठी बोलीला मात्र अनेक पैलू आहेत. त्यामुळे रोजच्या व्यवहारात देखील ही बोली वापरताना, वाक्यरचनेकडे नीट लक्ष द्यायला हवे. आता हेच बघा ना, टेलीफोने रीसिवर उचलल्यानंतर, "हेलो, हेलो", असे म्हणावे, हा जगाने मान्य केलेला शिष्टाचार आहे ना? पण पुणेरी शुद्ध मराठीत, "हेलो" याच्या ऐवजी, दुपारच्या झोपेतून जागे केल्यावर आवाजाला जो एक नैसर्गिक तुसडेपणा येत असतो, तो आणून, "हेलो" म्हणण्याच्या ऐवजी "कोणे?" असे वसकन ओरडायचे. म्हणजे टेलीफोने करण्याप्रमाणे ऐकण्यालादेखील पैसे पडले असते, तर माणूस जसा वैतागला असता, तसे वैतागायचे. मग तिकडून विचारतो कोणीतरी, " आहो, जरा प्लीज गोखल्यांना बोलावता का?" असं विचारलं रे विचारलं की पुण्याबाहेरचे तुम्ही आहात, हे पुणेरी पोर देखील ओळखेल. त्याच्या ऐवजी, "गोखल्यांना बोलवा" असा इथून हुकुम सोडायचा. मग पलीकडून आवाज येतो, "आहे इथे दहा गोखले आहेत! त्यातला कुठला हवाय?"
"तो कितवा तो मला काय ठाऊक! LIC मध्ये झोप काढायला जातो त्याला बोलवा!!"
 मग इकडून आवाज ऐकू येतो, " अरे गणू! इथे तुझ्यासाठी फोनवर कोणीतरी पेटलाय रे!" "च्यायला, ह्या गाण्याचे दिवसाला शंभर फोन." हे सुद्धा आपल्याला ऐकू येते.

पुणेकर व्हायला कसल्यातरी गोष्टीचा जाज्ज्वल्य  अभिमान हवा- नुसता नाही, जाज्ज्वल्य अभिमान. तो शिव्छात्रपती किंवा लोकमान्य टिळकांचाच असला पाहिजे, असं मुळीच नाहीये. म्हणजे आपल्या अलीच्या गणपती, विसर्जनाच्या दिवशी रांकेत कितवा जावा, इत्पासून पुणेरी गावरान शेंग ह्या पर्यंत कुठल्याही गोशिटचा असला तरी चालेल. पण जाज्ज्वाल्ल्य अभिमान हवा. मतभेद व्यक्त करायला या जाज्ज्वल्य अभिमानाची फार मदत होते. म्हणजे टिळक पुण्यातीठीच्या दिवशी अगर्कारांविषयी चा जाज्ज्वल्य अभिमान, क्रिकेट च्या टेस्ट च्या वेळी देशी खेळांविषयीचा जाज्ज्वल्य अभिमान- अशी त्या त्या अभिमानाची नीट वाटणी करता येते आपल्याला. आपला मतभेद केवळ खासगी मध्ये व्यक्त करून पुण्याचे संपूर्ण नागरिकत्त्व मिळत नाही. अधून मधून वाचकांच्या पत्रव्यवहारामध्ये एक पत्र पाठवावे लागते. त्यासाठी पत्रलेखनाची स्वातंत्र्य शैली कमवायची, हे अत्त्यांता आवश्यक आहे.

पुणेकर होण्यासाठी सायकल चालवणं, ही क्रिया एक खास कला म्हणूनच शिकायला हवी. सायकलवर बसता येणं, म्हणजे पुण्यात सायकल चालवता येणं, हे नाही. "चालवणे" इथे हत्त्यार चालवणे, किंवा चाळवल चालवणे, अशा अर्थाने वापरलं पाहिजे. सायकलचा मुख्य उपयोग, वाहन म्हणून न करता वाहत्या रस्त्यात मध्यभागी कोंडाळे करून गप्पा मारताना "टेकायची सोय" म्हणून करायला हवी. यातूनच पोलिसांना वाहतूक नियंत्रणाचे शिक्षण मिळते! त्याचप्रमाणे, पाहुणे नामक गनीम येतात, त्यांना वाड्यामध्ये सहजासहजी एकदम प्रवेश मिळू नये, यासाठी मुख्य प्रवेशद्वारात सायकलींची बेरेकॅडे रचता यायला हवी. त्या ढिगार्यातून नेमकी आपलीच सायकल बाहेर काढता येयला हवी. सायकल, हे एकट्याने बसून जायचे वाहन आहे, हे विसरायला हवे. किमान तिघांच्या संख्येनी, रस्त्याच्या मधून गप्पा मारत मारत जाता आले पाहिजे. नजर समोर न ठेवता, फुटपथावरील चालत्या-बोलत्या आणि इतर प्रेक्षणीय स्थळांच्या तिथे येणे जाणे चालू असतं तिथे ( --> ) असं पाहिजे. सायकल ला घंटी,दिवा, ब्रेक हे वगैरे असणं, हे म्हणजे भ्याडपणाचे लक्षण आहे.

अशा रीतीने पुणेकर होण्यातल्या प्रथम, द्वितीय, वगैरे परीक्षा उत्तीर्ण होत होत सार्वजनिक पुणेकर होण्याची पहिली परीक्षा म्हणजे कुठल्यातरी सौन्स्थेच्या कार्यकारी मंडळामध्ये तिथे शिरायची धडपड सुरु ठेवायची. उगीचच काहीतरी, "श्रीमंत दुसरे बाजीराव साहेब ह्यांचे शुद्धलेखन" किंवा "बाजरीवरील कीड" असल्या फालतू व्याख्यानांना जाऊन सुद्धा हजेरी लावायची,आणि व्याख्यानानंतर, त्या व्याख्यात्याला भेटून  "... या विषयावर एकदा आपल्याशी चर्चा करायचीये" , असे चारचौघात म्हणून टाकावे . हा हा म्हणता आपण खासगी पुणेकरातून सार्वजनिक पुणेकर होऊन जाल!

आता पुण्यात राहून दुकान वगैरे चालवायची इच्छा असेल, तर पुणेरी मराठी बोलीचा फारच अभ्यास वाढवायला लागेल. तरच किमान शब्दात  गीराहीकाचा कमाल अपमान करता येईल. ती भाषा आली पाहिजे. कारण पुण्यात दुकान चालवणे, हे सायकल चालवणे, ह्या अर्थी चालवणे आहे. दुकानदारांनी गीराहीकावर सत्ता चालवायची असते. दुकानात सगळ्यात दुर्लक्ष करण्यासारखी वस्तू, म्हणजे गिराहिक- हे सूत्र आहे इथलं! त्यामुळे खास त्या ढंगाचे दुकान हे सात-आठ वर्ष chalte. पुढे ते सिंध्या-बिन्ध्याला विकावे. जागेच्या पगडीत उरलेल्या आयुष्याची सोय होते, आणि आपण , "महाराष्ट्र व्यापारात मागे का?" या विषयावर भाषण द्यायला मोकळे!

थोडक्यात म्हणजे पुणेकर व्हायचा असेल, तर म्हातारपणाच्या सत्त्काराच्या दिशेने वाटचाल करायचा धोरण सांभाळावे लागते.

-पु. ल. देशपांडे.



for bozos who do not understand marathi, an excellent english version(translation) is available at: http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2006/10/mumbaikar-and-punekar.html

The Other Chinmay.

Its morning 6 am. My phone, which I regularly forget to put on the silent mode at night, starts singing in its highest pitch. Its 10 feet away from me, and its not the alarm thats ringing. Its a call. Damn! Who calls at this hour! Sleepily, I pick up the phone..

me "Kone?"
tithun.. " are xyz...zopla hotas ka?"
me "Chayla, sade6 la uthato mahitye na! ardha tas dheer dharta yet nahi ka? xxxxx kay zala."
tithun.. "Are kahi nahi! congrats mhanayla phone kela hota! salya sangat pan nahis ki TT kheltos!"
me "Tuzya timba timba timba xxx, kasla alay TT!"
tithun. "ARE TT chi tournament jinklas na tu? paper madhe alay! Chinmay Datar winner mhanun. Gandavu Nakos, Party taltoys sang saral!"
me"Ghanta winner. tu swapnamadhe paper vachla asashil. are me tt khelat pan nahi!"
tithun.. "are ho! pan paper vaach aajcha! tyat alay!"
me. "Chayla, ek tar sakali sakali uthavtos, tyatun mhantoys paper vach lagech! haramya! vel jaat nahi ka tuza! kaa chhaltoys mala asa prathakali?(jorat jambhayee/loud yawn)"
tithun. "tu vach."
me. "barr vachto.. pan nantar.. atta pressure chadhatay jara.. thevto me.."

I rush downstairs to open the back pages of the newspaper, which promptly declare Chinmay Datar is the winner of a certain TT tournament! Surely, something is wrong. Thats when I realize that there is another Chinmay Datar. And he seems to be as famous as I am!

Throughout the day, I get hundreds of calls from my relatives, friends and fans congratulating me. "Thank you! I say for the wishes, pan tumchya durdayvane, "'TO' 'ME' nhavech!". Irritated that they have wasted their 2-3 rupees for a false piece of information, and believing that it is yet another of my quite public Publicity Stunts, i get a tirade of swear words.

I have to bear with it, as there is no other way of defending myself! This other Chinmay sometimes put me in a rather tight spot! I may not know him, but I sure do know a few things about him- for one, he is a complete winner- He wins so many times! and grudgingly, I accept that unlike me, he is quite famous among girls, by the sheer number of messages I get on facebook from random girls asking me "tuch ka re to TT vala?" It feels disappointing to say "No", but I have to! I really wish I did something so that got that kind of attention

Anyway, I would really like to meet this Other Chinmay once. I mean, I am sure people must have called him up and asked, "Tuch ka re to majurde posts lihinara?" Ah well, lets see what happens. And again to those people who still think I am the TT champ, "To me Nhavech!!"

Khadad Sadashiv Pethi.

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More often than not, I get caught in a limbo-Eat or Spend? Whilst I strive to live the life of a quintessential person from Sadashiv Peth, my desire to indulge in all sorts of foodstuffs (provided they are vegetarian), forces me to loosen up my strings. And now a days, with the over hyped prices in hotels, and me being an extremely frugal person, I tend not to go out for what they term as "Hotelling".

However, this "not eating junk food" again contradicts the idea of being a Sadashiv Pethi. We people just love our Maharashtrian Snacks. I mean Sadashiv Peth and its adjacent areas are full of famous eating places. The only plus point is that the price is not too exorbitant. Secondly, you get to meet a LOT of people at these places. This list includes people you met at the Jagatik Chitpavan Sammelan, other social events such as Sawai Gandharwa, Class friends,  School friends, people from your Singing/Harmonium/Drawing classes,  and although a majority of them have moved out, Sadashiv Peth still has plenty of them good looking girls which you get to see! These are, really, wonderful places to socialize.

Today I was thinking of all these places which have been real favourites of mine, located not more than 7 minutes of a bike-ride/walk from my house (Datar wada, Opposite Godbole Hospital). I have made a list of the following places as a guided tour, with a map. The list does not include expensive places like CCD, Vaishali, where every wannabe wants to hang out. It includes places which totally convey the Puneri Flavour to the fullest. Be it with their witty, sarcastic and sometimes insulting notices, or the tastes that they leave lingering in your mouths. Anyway, here is my all time favourite list:

We start our journey from 1342 Sadashiv Peth- My house, and end it at the same place. The journey, as just as a walk without the food will last for about 30 minutes max, while it’s a 10 minute ride on the bike. We would approximately take a triangular route as described below.

We step out from 1342 Sadashiv Peth. This place has over the years been a fortress standing a test of time. Built in 1920's, it’s one of the oldest structures in the lane that is still standing (the other of course includes Sahasrabuddhe Datta Mandir). So, out we go and start moving towards Bharat Natya Mandir. Bharat is well known for the drama staging of Purshottam and Firodiya Karandaks and is one the favourite places for culturally inclined youth. In the adjacent area, you find two very good places-

Jabreshwar Bhuvan- One of the favourite 5 am tapri. Located opposite Bharat Natya Mandir. The tea and Pohe are real good. I used to go there very frequently in the first year after JVK class. Really crowded in the morning hours with Students/Paying guests etc all lining up for breakfast.

Murlidhar Bhuvan- Located next to Bharat Natya Mandir. Awesome Breakfast- Onion Uttappa, Upma etc. Always full. You can get a parcel from here. There is also a Chat counter which is good. A good place for travellers, as there is place to sit and relax. Rates slightly on the higher side to go every week.

Now, we take a short detour from the planned path. Turn right from Jabreshwar, heading towards PeruGate.  On your left, you will see a shop called Sai Ba. It serves a variety of Bhel, and trust me, it never disappoints. One of the few good places in Peth, where you can indulge in Choupaty Bhel, Oli Bhel, Suki Bhel, Sheng Dane, Tikhat Dane, Farsan etc.

After filling ourselves up at Sai Ba, we turn back, and head towards Tilak Road. At traffic light, cross Tilak road and enter Badshahi cha Bol(Also known as Bharat Gayan Samaj Path). Park your vehicle, and enter the hotel on the corner- Badshahi Boarding.

Badshahi Boarding- While you get dosas and uttapas, some unconventional dishes include Deep Fried Potato Toast, Danyachya Kutacha Ladoo, Upvasachi Misal and believe it or not- Kharvas and Piyush.. The Upvasachi Misal is one of its kind, and is simply fabulous, though it is available only on Saturdays, and a few selected days. Only those willing to experiment and those who have a liking for unconventional dishes should go here.

 We come out of Badshahi Boarding, and start moving on Tilak Road, in the Direction of SP college. At the traffic light at SP college, we have two options- either turn right and head towards neelayam, or turn left and head towards Khajina Vihir. We take the former, and head towards Neelayam. A short dash along the road leads us to a wonderful little canteen, fondly called as SS(not the Nazi crazy brigade) by us SPMites, which is our next destination.

SS Canteen- I dont know the name of this shop (Phadkyanchya Canteen), but it is located behind SP college. It is called SS which stands for Self Service, as here you bring your own food to the table. I have been going to this place for ages (Ever since school) and their vadaa pav, kokam sarbat and sadha dosa are just too good.

We take another U turn, turn right at the traffic light, and immediately turn left to go towards Khajina Vihir(After Grahak Peth). At the Chauk, is arguably one of the finest Sugarcane juice centre in Pune- Shailesh Raswanti Gruha. Shailesh Rasvanti Gruha- A sugarcane juice shop, which you cannot say no to. 2 Jumbo glasses are always on the menu, every time you visit. And a 5rs per Jumbo glass always makes it worthwile!

We quench our thirst at Shailesh, head back out to Tilak Road again, and procees forward. Our next stop is also on Tilak Road, and is arguably one of the better places to have Pav Bhaji at. Yes, at the corner before Kaka Halwai, we have Girija Pav Bhaji. Girija serves incredible Paav Bhaji, and the place is more often than not, always packed. The taste it leaves behind is just wonderful. Infact it is so good, that  it is considered a crime if you go to Girija and NOT eat Paav Bhaaji. It is The place to have PB near the Sadashiv Peth area( the best in Pune ,I would say, is Relax.)

We fill ourselves up at Girija, head out back on the Main Road. We reach Abhinav Kala Mandir, and take a left turn to proceed on our food journey. We storm past Ganaraj Hotel, which although otherwise good, is as of now, no use to us! We reach the famed Chitale Bandhu Sweet Shop near Shanipaar. We buy ourselves half a kilo of Bakarwadi and Amba Barfi for later. But now, we have important work to do. We cross Bajirao Road, and enter Tulshi Baag. Here, the famous SriKrishna Misal, which serves Punes finest misal can be found. I was introduced to this place by Kedar and Anupam. THE best misal in Pune(according to me). Spicy levels vary. But again, its a must have.

We rejoin Bajirao Road, and turn left at the next set of traffic light, onto the shopping District of Pune- Lakshmi Road. Travel down Lakshmi road till you Reach the Chauk near Rajaram Mandal, and then take a right turn(i.e At Vijay Talkies) go straight, from behind Modi ganpati, come out near Kabir Baag on Kelkar road, turn right, and head towards Kesari Vadaa. Opposite to Kesri Vadaa, we find Prabha Vishranti Gruha, which serves one of the spiciest Batata Vadas and Chutney in Pune. Ignore the spice, because the taste lasts for a long time, and you really want to eat here time and again!

Come out of Prabha Vishranti Gruha and follow the main road towards Ramanbaag. At Ramanbaag Chauk, take a right turn to again head towards Lakshmi Road.A short distance ahead, you come to a narrow lane on the right, called as Munjaba cha Bol. Here, on the corner, is another popular Misal Store- the Bedekar Misal store. A good place for a newbie. Non spicy, Koknasthi Misal. Altough now a days, we hardly go over there, its a good place to bring Misal home from, especially for the family.(It tends to be non spicy).

Park you vehicles at Bedekar Misal itself, and take a short walk on to Lakshmi Road to Shagun Chauk, and on the right, is another really cool sugarcane serving place called the Cool Cane. It serves 10 varieties of Sugarcane juice (adulterated with herbs and spices- varying from tulsi to Adulsa). For 10 rupees though, its worth the money spent.

We speed down Lakshmi Road once again, fill petrol at Kulkarni Petrol Pump, and come out on Kumthekar road. Take the immediate right and head towards jnana prabodhini. Immediately take a left turn. Here on the corner, you find two of the best hang out places in the City:

Anarse Samose. Opposite Jnana Prabodhini, the 8 Rs(last time I had it) Samosa is totally worth it. Arguably its the chutney which gives the real taste, as the saran inside is plain potato and a little bit of Mirchi. A must go for any one!

Rohit Milks- Can be dubbed as the Durga of Sadashiv Peth. Awesome Cold Coffee and chocolate milk. Most positively, located exactly opposite Anarse Samosewala. So the two are always to be visited in tandem!

Now we head straigh down the road, till we encounter a T junction. we turn right at the T, and go to another fampus place- Shree Upahar Gruha- Take a right turn at Ramesh Dying. First building. Amazing Vadaa Pav, and other fried stuff. The adjacent Bhel shops are also very good!

After a gobsmacking tour around the Peth, its time that we draw curtain to it by having a Puneri Speciality. We come out from Shree Upahar Gruha, turn right, and ignoring all traffic rules, break the one way, and end up at Nimbalkar Talim Chauk. Those who do not know there roads, are releaved that our meanderings through the narrow and crowded lanes of Sadashiv Peth and nearby areas, are over, as we enter a familiar lane. Its the  Ultimate place in the locality. This place serves what we can say the real speciality of Pune. Yes- We are now standing outside Sujata Mastani. It serves what we Punekars fondly call "Mastani" and make over the top claims that we can easily finish two of them. The mastani, to the cultural illiterates, is a thickshake(traditionally Mango Flavoured) with a scoop of Mango ice cream in it. (Although flavours have now expanded to Sitafal, and Chocolate, Mango is still the King) This stuff really fills you up. I mean I am almost packed in 1 normal sized mastani.  But anyway, we have it.

So after all this fooding, and our stomachs packed, preparing ourselves mentally for the explosions for tomorrow, we head back, take a right turn, go ahead, park the bikes underneath 1342 Sadashiv Peth, a place that I always call home, rush to the 1st floor, and under the full force of the fan, lay down to have a well deserved Siesta!

Since moving to Pashan, I have hardly gone to these awesome places as frequently as I would like to go. Just mentionaing them while writing made my mouth water. Wait one day, I will actually do this Tour!

सर्वात मधुर स्वर

बंधनमुक्त होण्याचा जो आनंद असतो, तो निराळाच असतो. कुसुमाग्रजांनी खालील कवितेत त्याचा उत्तम उल्लेख केला आहे.

स्वातंत्र्यासाठी हजारांच्या आकड्यातील क्रांतिकारकांच्या हाता-पायातील साखळदंड तुटल्यावर कुसुमाग्रंजांना हे असेच वाटले असेल का?

                       सर्वात मधुर स्वर

ना मैफिलीतील गाण्याचा, ना पहाडातून झरणाऱ्या पाण्याचा

ना सागराचा, ना कूजनाचा, ना आमंत्रित ओठातील हसण्याचा

सर्वात मधुर स्वर,

कुठेतरी, कोणाच्यातरी मनगटातील शृंखला खळखळा तुटण्याचा.

-कुसुमाग्रज.

Q & A with myself!

Well, it’s been nearly one whole year since Chinmay the Blogger started putting up his ideas on BlogSpot. Today, Chinmay the Interviewer asks Chinmay the Blogger about his experiences, ups and downs, his thoughts on his own blogs, on the occasion of completing one blogday.

(CI=Chinmay the Interviewer; CB=Chinmay the Blogger)

CI: “Hello CB. We shall start with the questions straight away... It’s been a year since you started writing posts. Any inspirations for starting this activity?”

CB: “Actually, I was planning to write for quite some time before I actually started writing. So yeah, you can say the inspiration was from within me, more so to make people read my work.”

CI:”Doesn’t that sound as if you are writing for gaining publicity?”

CB: “Nah, not really. See, my mother thinks I write really well. Plus it’s a good medium to write whatever you want. Publicity comes naturally to me, whatever I do. Blogging boosts it only by a millimeter.”

CI: “A year has passed since you first posted. How different you find your posts now, as compared to what you first wrote?”

CB: “Not that much actually. I try to follow a pattern. 1-2 funny posts, 1 Marathi poem, 1 serious post, plus special events in that month if any. But my language- both Marathi and English have improved significantly you can say.”

CI: “Yeah we observed that... you have written on a variety of things. What motivated you to do so?”

CB: “To write something substantial, you need to read, hear or see it somewhere, and think over it. Your horizons broaden as a result. You gain a non monotonous outlook on things going on around you. Plus, all the things I write on really draws my interests- you can say they are hobbies since childhood.”

CI: “And who motivated to you to write what you have written so far?”

CB: “The sources vary. Mostly it’s the indiosycracies of my friends, or professors or just the things that go on around us. My good friends Sumedh and Anant contribute a lot of ideas. I do try to mention the inspiration in each and every post though!”

CI: “What about all those Marathi poems you post? What draws you to post them? A lot of people wanted to know why you write them in the first place!”

CB: “I personally think that the youth of today are deviating culturally. Westernization is being accounted for at a terrible cost of belittling our own culture. The Marathi poetry is just an attempt to stamp the beauty of what’s our own on these deviant minds. I really hope that they get inspired by what I write and start appreciating and rediscovering their own culture- it really is beautiful.”

CI: “What about this recent trend of writing about Kavi Bhushan and Shivaji Maharaj?”

CB: “Again, simple- motivate people to come under the banner of nationalism. Today we can see how ruined and corrupt our democracy is. People like Shivaji Maharaj are idols for one and all. He inspires awe. There is an aura of invincibility, and an almost god like image about him. And nobody describes him better that Bhushan. So…”

CI: “Wow! Listening to that coming from you is quite surprising. A few years ago, no one would have imagined you would consider writing anything other than sarcastic posts!”

CB: “Pu.La Deshpande was known for his humour, but some of his works are genuinely serious and prompt us to think. I look up to him as an idol. Its necessary one writes on serious topics from time to time.You tend to think in doing so. Otherwise it feels like telling the same joke again and again. ”

CI: “If you were a critic, which post of yours would you choose as your best?”

CB: “That’s difficult. I love most of them. But I would have to say the 'Rains, Sur Malhar and Me wins. A close second is Kedar'”

CI: “And the worst?”

CB: “Ah. Simple- ‘On the Dirtier Side.’. No idea why I even took efforts to type it!”

CI: “And the one you like to read the most?”

CB: “Ahh... The one on the Ideal girl. Goodness, it still gives my laughs to read some of the stuff I’ve written in that!”

CI: “The one you had most fun writing?”

CB: “Say ‘NO’. It was an adventure in itself to come up with witty new ways of putting someone off! I and my friend who helped me get inspired for that were coming up with reasons for two whole days!”

CI: “Good you mentioned those two- I was dying to ask you- what do you base your funny posts on.”

CB: “It’s the normal everyday things we do- stupid things like done in class. Inconceivable things we come up with. Minor things like chalk fights. Spoofs of the existing things. Again, Pu La is my inspiration for these posts.”

CI: “Do you have a set frame of how you are going to write before you actually start writing?”

CB: “Actually, all of it is spontaneous. Although I do make a point that I edit afterwards to make the read enjoyable. I completely changed parts of the T-20 post twice to make changes suggested by a few people!”

CI: “What was the happiest moment in your blogging life?”

CB: “It's tough to choose between getting 341 hits in a day to getting the first cluster map dot from South America (the last continent to have access to my posts).”

CI: “Other than your own, which blogs you like to read?”

CB: “Actually, I tend to read all those that I follow. I like Sanjeevs work a lot. Neha K must also be appreciated for her amazing write ups and pics more often than not. Pundlik is good too. MadB blogs are moody- cribbing you can say, but once in a while a decent one is posted. Rao writes pretty well too.”

CI: “And those you do want to read but not get a chance to read?”

CB: “Ill really like to read what Viru has to say. He has that mantle of producing extraordinary stuff. Anant will be jokes too- intellectually damning one can say. Sumedh has deep knowledge of Marathi. Id definitely like to read something in Marathi from him too! I hope they start writing soon.”

CI: “Well CB we have to start winding down as we are approaching the threshold of boredom. Anything you learnt about what not to do?”

CB: “Hell Yeah! I hurt the feelings of one of my best friends ever in my very first month. It was a disgraceful thing to do, that. Never ever I am going to post posts which toy with others emotions. On this note, I again apologize to my friend for writing it in the first place. It’s destroyed now though.”

CI: “And anything you regret posting?”

CB: “Apart from that 1 post, nothing. I don’t care that much actually. People do talk about my ideologies and right-wing ness, explosiveness of posts etc, but then, I am proud of having them. It’s not wrong to express your opinions, no matter how explosive they are!”

CI: “A year ago, did you think that you could make it to your first blogday?”

CB: “I have always believed in myself and God. So with his blessings, as and when I get a good topic, I write. Always knew I would make it.”

CI: “And do you hope to carry on writing in future?”

CB: “Well, the last answer was self stating. Why do you keep asking the same thing again and again? Don’t worry; it’s been a while since I flipped!”

CI: “Thank you Chinmay the blogger for taking your time off for giving us this interview. It was a great pleasure chatting with you. And we do hope that you keep on producing good write ups, and inspire one and all. ”

Bhushan Again!

As I have time and again said, there is no poet I would like to read in Hindi, or for that matter most would like to read, after they have read or heard Mahakavi Bhushan. He is well and truly unparalleled, and I am yet to read or hear any poem on veer ras in any language which can be compared to what he has written about 300 years back. 

While on one hand, he lauds Shivaji Maharaj as a just, fair, generous king, one cannot help but contain a smile when he takes a dig at Aurangzeb. 

There is a story which goes that once Aurangzeb ordered Bhushan to write about his qualities. Bhushan agreed to do so, provided that he had Abhaydaan. When Aurangzeb accepted his request, Bhushan composed the following two chhandas:

किबले की थोर बाप बादशाह शाहजहाँ टाको कैद कियो मान मक्के आग लाई है
बड़ोभाई दाराको पकरी के मार डार्यो मेहरहो नहीं माँ को नहीं सगा भाई है
बंधू तो मुरादबक्ष बादी चुग करिबे को बीचले  कुरान खुदा की कसम खाई है
भूषण सुकवि कहे सुनो नवरंगजेब एतो काम किन्हें तेऊ पादशाही पाई है |

This literally means 

By imprisioning your father who is like the sacred water, you have committed an act which is as bad as burning the city of Mecca. By capturing and murduring your blood-brother Dara, you have shown that you do not have mercy in your heart what so ever. You gave false assurances to your other half brother Murad Baksh that you will support him for the throne by swearing to the Quran. I Kavi Bhushan am saying: Listen Navrangzeb, its because you have done these unholy deeds, you have obtained the throne.

On listening to this, the story goes, that Aurangzeb was furious. But before he could do anything, Bhushan went even further and said the following:

 

हात तसबी अलिये प्रतःउठे बंध की अपही कपटरूप कपटसु जपसे
आगरे मी जाओ दारा चौक में चुनाय लिनो छात्र ही छिनाई लीनो मरे बूढ़े बाप के
कीन्हो है सबेत  घात में तो नाही कहो फेरी पीलपे तुराय चारो चुगुलके गपके
भूषण भनत शतचंडी मतिमंड वहा सौ सौ चूहे खायके बिलडी बैठी तपके !

 Translated, this means:

Oh Aurangzeb, you think as yourself as a good man by reading the Quran every morning and by repeated taking of Gods name. But in truth you are the perfect embodiment of wickedness, and its the wickedness you pray to every morning. You killed your own brother openly in the square at Agra, and snatched your fathers throne. You slaughtered your family members and kin by stampeding them under elephants  on the slightest hints from miscreants and your spies who wanted to eliminate them for personal gains. I, Bhushan am saying that you may show the world that you are wise and religious- but this is all a pretension. Your acts are comparable only with that of a cat which has dined upon a thousand mice, and is pretending to meditate.

The story goes that each word was piercing Aurangzeb like a double edged sword. He was furious, and ordered the decapitation of Bhushan. Fortunately, Bhushan escaped before such an act could take place. A marathi translation of the whole episode is available. This is translated by Baal Kolhatkar.

प्रातःकाळी स्मरूनी खुदाचे हाती घेसी जपमाला
तुझे रूप जे मूर्तिमंत जे जपजपासी कपटाला
जिवंत असुनी बाप आपुला मेला बुभाट केला
ऐशाकरणी हाती घेतिले सिंव्हासन भूपाला!
वडीलबंधू दारा वधुनी बंधुधर्म उद्धरिला
चुगलखोर दूतांच्या वचनी वंशनाश करवियला
तुझ्यापुढे हा भूषण कुठला कुण्या तरुचा पाला
हजार मूषक मारून बसले मार्जारच ध्यानाला

I simply could not resist putting this one up on the blog. I mean, I get a sense of satisfaction everytime someone takes a dig at Aurangzeb, indeed the most inhuman and inflexible person to ever rule India. Indeed he epitomized what we can call as "A 700 year old tradition of harassing and mistreating Hindus and showing utter disregard for their religion". As Bhushan has rightly said, our Dharma is alive today, because atrocious people like Aurangzeb got a staunch resistance from the likes of Shivaji Maharaj in Maharashtra, Chhatrasal Bundela in Bundelkhand and Lacchit Barphukan in Assam.. May these heroes be rekindled in us, as we strive for a better India.

(Anyone who wants to have a better understanding of Bhushan, refer any cassete/CD by Ninadrao Bedekar. His oratory is exceptional, and he really brings the whole Bhushan kavya to life)

The 10 commandments of T.Y. E&Tc

This year, Our class as such has bonded really well. I mean its improved leaps and bounds! Nearly everyone interacts with everyone. Dont know how such a sudden change took place, but nevertheless, its a welcome change for sure. We have been able to do ever more mischief ever since this increased interaction. I have had not enjoyed class life as much as I am enjoying now, since i left my legendary class from SPM(Really missed those people). But anyway, it feels good to be back on track in the aspect of class life. Analyzing this year, i realized that there are some peculiar things we do in the class, which I guess have become a hallmark of T.Y.E&Tc.

here are the 10 rules, that one should follow(I guess)

• Commandment 1: "Thou has to say name of a boy when a girl comes in late to for a class(Like Ram)"

• Commandment 2:" Thou has to shout "NAAAAAAHIII" when Dipak does anything"

• Commandment 3:"Thou are to sing the James "Bond" music when Rajendra Enters the class."

• Commandment 4:"There is only One MANE. Thou should not compete with him."

• Commandment5:"Thou art to indulge in Chalk fight and exclusively blame Divya and or Rajendra  for it."

• Commandment6:"Thou are to givre Birthday Bumps to all people having their birthday in that month and Kaustubh Sambharkar on every monthend."

• Commandment 7:"Every now and then thou has to sit 1 boy per bench and observe the weird expression on the faces of the girls!"

• Commandment 8: "Thou have to tell Babya  "Sir "Jounral" anla nahiye.. next time sure deto!" at each and every practical." 

• Commandment9: "Thou has to call out Rohini if she is sitting in front of you and when she looks back, tell her to "Pudhe Bagh""

• Commandment 10:"Thou has to round up on Rao and yell "KAO KAO" whenever he answers/comes in the class, or gets singled out by teachers!"

Well, this is surely the routine for this semester. And let me tell you its a rocking one as well! Man... really when it starts getting nice, the sem end is near!

P.S. I completely forgot this,(for which I apologize).
"KAHEEEEEE KAAY REEEEE!!" to all nutcases who don't follow the above rules!(Added 21 April)

Back to School!!

The only reason that I am writing, or rather copy pasting this post from the facebook page of my friend Pranav, is that it takes me, or rather my whole group to the wonderful school days. Those who have read my blog will know how notorious we were as a class. Pranav has taken us all back to have a glimpse of those black and white and eternal memories.

Pranav: -2003-04 chi goshta... nagmani miss attendance ghet ahet... 1-yes miss...2-yes miss...3-yes miss.............. 20-yes miss.... 21- Anupam Kelkar says "hazar"....... nagmani says "shut up!!! u are not in marathi medium school..." hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Anupam Kelkar

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
mala normally last bebch chi saway hoti .. tya diwashi pudhe baslelo... mhanun aiku gela hahahhahah

Anupam Kelkar

@pranav.. kahi goshti aayushabharasathi astat... 

Gaurav Bafana

loved tose days... she once said in class
*root*3 + *root*2 = *root*5
hahahahahahahahha

Adwait Gokhale

hahaha....ani ekda apan danga karato hoto me shittya marat hoto ani nagmani miss alay achanak ani weecharla who was whistling..mazhya battya gul zhalya hotya pan apli unity koni kahi bolla nahi

Neha Joshi

hahahhaha kamaaaall!!! te divas parat havet... :(((

Anupam Kelkar

UNITY

Anupam Kelkar

mala atta distayt nagmani miss 'shut up ....' mhantata tyanchya south-indian accent nadhe

Pranav Kale

haha....

Chinmay Datar

bafana.. te 8th madhe hota!!! best part was tejas joshi ni batli madhe dudh anla hota nagpanchami la!! hahahaha!!

Mrinmayi Huprikar

exa square and no mmy child ;-)

Adwait Gokhale

hahaha... maths workbook..cha matter asycha nehmich..

Adwait Gokhale

ti weecharychi mala have u solved this!! full chehrya war question mark...!! sagla aslekar ani bafna cha copy asaycha

Gaurav Bafana

Mala dhamki dileli `instead of finding out my mistakes try to concentrate on studies '

Adwait Gokhale

hahaha ho re...hahaha 

Ameya Abhyankar

edya UNITY ani non co-operation best hota aplya class cha !!!

Adwait Gokhale

ho...supriya ni shikawla..ani apan tilach latakwa..te waprun..

Sanmit Karandikar

hahahahahahahahahaha.........!!!!!!!!!
ek-ek kisse kalla hote........7th madhe mi shubhangi la tondawar BAN-PAV mhanalo hoto.........!!!!!!
balya ni petavli hoti........adwait hota mazya barobar.......!!!!!

Gaurav Bafana

7th madhe shivya ghalto mhanun saglyanna dharlela ani gharchyanna bolavlela !!! KAMAAL kisse ahet

Gaurav Bafana

Mandar bhosle ni Neha Bhide chya kanakhali marleli :D karan tine tyachi compass kachryat takleli

Anupam Kelkar

mala athawtay .. bhoslecha kissa.. alpenlibe cha wrapper taklela neha bhide chya bench khali...  

Chinmay Datar

8th chya trip madhe ameya ratri eka kholitun dusrya kholit parafeet varun ala hota 3rd floor chya!!! ahahahhaa!!! te pan uchha hota!!

Neha Joshi

aaa ho ban pav mala pan athawtay!!!

Adwait Gokhale

hahahhaa ban-paav.... asa medha maan yeun bollya class class madhe!! mhane i heard that you calling teachers by names like "ban-paav" hahahahah and badhir...hahahaha and baidabai for anupama miss....lolzzz baidabai kay hahaha

Neha Joshi

ho... ani mrinmayi cha asa assumptio nahe rather chinmay cha pan....ki 7TH madhe astana akkha class shnata hota shubhangi miss hotya ordat ..... ani me achank oradle aaa ban pav... tevha pasun ticha nav padla..... BANPAV awra!!!

Adwait Gokhale

ahhahaha 7 th sarwat matter year hota...!!! jagat li sarwat mothi height mhanje me blue house cha PREFECT.. ani 6 subjects madhe fail!! achanak..

Neha Joshi

fail kay arey awra!!! mala ek athawtay... tya varshi diwali party ka asa kahitari hota evenin la shalet... ani ABOLI BHUJBAL.... goggle ghalun aleli... lol :D!!!

Adwait Gokhale

ahhaha neha atta awarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anupam Kelkar

  'Gharasamor baag zali aahe, mirtala khelayla patra lihun bolwa'

aaplya Mahaan Shri Tejas Joshi hyanche patra
----------------------
Priya mitra Ameya (ghati asawa)...  

Majhya gharasamor Vivekananda baag zali aahe, Khelayla ye

Tuza mitra Tejas (swatach asawa)
------------------------
ZALA PATRA hahahhahahaha

Adwait Gokhale

hahhahaha...khara!!! hey jagat la sarwat best patra asel..

Pranav Kale

hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahah.......... mala athavtay tejas joshi cha letter... hahahahahah... bhari hota te...kahihi hota...

Anupam Kelkar 

mala ti jaga pan athawtye jikdu ubha rahun tyani wachla patra.. leftmost row.. last bench.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Neha Joshi

aaaaaaaaa hooooo mala pan athawtay... wen was dis???? i dunno if i was in his class.... pan mala athawtay hey nakki...
ghaannn hataaii keleli daglyanni tyachi... mala tar tyach ani saili mate cha VADHIW bhandan athawtay.... jorat khanakhali marleli tichya.... hahhahahha!!!

Mandar Bhosale

hyahahaha

Adwait Gokhale

wahhh tanna..pan alay atta comenting la!! mandar bhosale ni balya thappad mast khalli hoti..!! sports room madhe sagle hoto..shivya deto mhanun saglyana ubha kela hota..preyet jan ekacha naav ghet hota ani ma tyana war jaun bolwaycha lecture madhun..hahah alok gandhi waeet phasla hota tevha mhane saglyanacha dabba khato..mhanun..

Chinmay Datar

@ anupam. he patra tejas joshi ni bangwa la lihila hota. mazya ghara samor vivekanand baag zali ahe, khelayla ye!! 8th madhe hota i guess!!

 

These were just a few memories which were stirred. There are hundreds and thousands of such amazing things that have now hid following so many years after school. I am sure, that one day, many of them will definitely be revealed! Till then, I am enjoying the current lot that has surfaced!

 

A special thanks to Pranav, Adwait, Anupam, Ameya,, Gaurav B, Neha and Mrinmayi for sharing the memories! Long live our pranks and even longer live our legacy in school!

Discovering Elements!

Its been 10 whole days since I last posted anything on my blog! A welcome break considering the pace at which I was posting in the last 2 months. Nevertheless, the break provided me with time to think about my next post(which is this one). I also imagined working on a few topics- Many things have happened in these 10 days. There was the Regatta- which I think was not as good as the last two. Two of my very good friends got exceptional achievements- Prachi got the Best Outgoing Oarsperson Award, while Siddhi keeps showing that sky is her lower limit- an admit from Stanford one day, and the Best Outgoing Sportsperson at the college on the next. Then there is this subtle metamorphosis in the nature around. All of a sudden there is a sudden bloom of flowers of vivid eye catching colours all around. So certainly there was plenty to think. I did think on these subjects, and just as I was going to write on one, an oddball stuck out. You see, its such events, which really gets you into the laughing mode.

Well, as a CoEPian, we are used to fantastic accomplishments and discoveries on a daily basis. Many new things are discovered by the students everyday.This time it was one of our brilliant professors who has made an astonishing discovery. Certainly, CoEP Materials Science and Chemistry department, if ever such existed, would have been proud, and would certainly have sent the IUPAC scrambling for cover . Why? Simple-  We have discovered an astonishing new element. Although current studies are theoretical, all evidences point to the actual existence of this unique element. If ever synthesized, this element would be the heaviest and the densest in the world. The proof? A rectangular block of this element measuring 35mm x 35mm x 2.5 mm measured an astonishing 20 kg! this makes its density 6.53x10^6 g/cc. Possibly only a white dwarf, a  neutron star and a black hole will outweigh this newest element. 

Logic defines that this element is highly hazardous, and has to be operated with a utmost safety of robotic arm. It is extremely brittle and exhibits all properties of glass. On slightest heating, it shreds into a thousand pieces and sends its shards hurtling everywhere. So, human interaction is to be kept to a minimum. To do this job, the Department of Mechanical Engineering was contacted, and some of us students, doing a secret training course in the department were given the job of designing two suction cups whose contact force is 65 kg(?) this gives a net upward acceleration of 110g- which will make the system break the Mach speeds in a few yards!!  i have till not not heard of anything in existance which is able to sustain this much force! but with the superb and highly insightful guidance of our honourable faculty, anyway, design it we did, and from standard formulae, we got astonishing results- the diameter of individual suction cup is nearly twice the dimensions of the given slab! god knows how we will be able to lift it!

Till now, we have not been able to determine the atomic number nor the atomic mass of this fascinating element. Whatever calculations we are doing are coming to a dead end. All we can conclude is that it is 3 million times more dense than the densest material available- Osmium. I am wondering if a tonne of this substance will generate enough gravitational pull to attract and suck its inventor into it- and if possible annihilate him.If it should, then I shall personally create the required amount of substance, even though it puts my neck at a risk!

There were several nominees that were considered while naming this element- Kutroniyum, Jadonium, Poloamintwiththeholonium, assonium, and many more. But after much debate and controversy, it has been decided that the element will be named after a visionary in CoEP Mechanical. A man whose genius surpasses that of one and all. A man who played a key role in its invention. Yes- you have guessed it right, we have named it Ohonium!! (Anant calls it O!Holium whereas Rao calls it O'Holium)